the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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