I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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