did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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