Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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