The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
