Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we're making bets on your personal life
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
