Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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