i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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