dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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