just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
