So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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