At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
too bad you live with your parents still
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
