i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
