Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
