I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
