oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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