Someone shit on the floor
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
