good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
