Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
