I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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