I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
