I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
In America we eat man semen.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
