it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
