You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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