Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
