So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
