I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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