my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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