He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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