so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you didnt know i had herpes?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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