The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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