Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
