watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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