guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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