We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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