He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
