My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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