i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i believe in u and ur pee
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
