Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
