There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
