I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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