I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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