Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
