Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
