Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize