Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
