Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
