No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
