oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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