I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
