dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
