I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
