walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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