Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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